Unschooling: Self-Directed or Consensual Education?

Child-led. Self-directed. Wonder-led. Consent-based. Learner-led. Organic. Experiential. Life-focused. Flex learning. Curiosity-based.

There are many words that describe unschooling, and many of them lead to lots of questions.

Does child-led education mean the parent / facilitator isn't allowed to offer activities?

Can wonder-led, curiosity-led, and life- focused education models leave room for reading and math?

Are experiential learners allowed to take formal classes?

And on and on and on.

Most of these questions are super dogmatic, and often are from folks avoiding taking a good long look at their beliefs about education. Or those beliefs origins. 

Some unschoolers believe the facilitator must be entirely hands-off when it comes to directing or planning education. Some unschoolers believe the facilitator must offer as many learning opportunities as possible, including their own desired academic goals for the learners. Some believe curiosity is more important than academics. Some believe academics are the focus of any education, including unschooling, and unschooling is simply a really expansive way of arriving at the same education as everyone else.

As with cosleeping, feeding, and yes, homeschooling,  I believe what works for your family should be the route you choose, the parents' needs are as valid as the child's, and different phases of life and development should be taken into consideration. 

Most of those terms above relate to whether a child should lead their own education, or whether a parent should play a part in deciding what should be learned. We will use "consent-based" and "self-directed" for this article.

Is unschooling child-led or consent-based education?

If you've been around these parts a while, you know that my answer tends to be "yes, both, and..." for almost everything.

And also "both and neither." HA!

Unschooling can be whatever you want it to be.

Whatever you make it. Whatever works for your family at any given time. Whatever the dogma police say.

Do you plan lessons so fun your kids are super-excited to jump out of bed in the morning to discover what you have planned for them? Consent-based education.

Are your teens so highly self motivated that your only job is the acquisition of resources and transportation? Self-directed education.

Are there certain subjects you feel your students must learn, so you continually strew ideas and options that might lead them toward your learning objectives? Consent-based education.

Are your kids either too young to need formal education or old enough that they know what they need to learn to achieve their goals and how to get it? Self-directed education.

It's all unschooling.

Ya know what else is unschooling? Modeling walking for your toddler, and speaking to them in real language. Driving your teenager to their first job and showing them how to balance their bank account. Playing Scrabble, Monopoly, Sum Swamp, Ecologies, Villainous, or Dungeon's and Dragons. Talking about the weather, politics, or religion. Strewing books you chose at the library. Setting up a science experiment as a morning invitation. Cooking or baking or cleaning the house together. Gardening. Offering to help write or edit or spell check your child's co-op presentation.

The key to unschooling is simply trusting yourself and your students enough that bribery and coercion are never part of the plan.

Reward systems are bribery, plain and simple. Bribes move the focus from learning to the performance of whatever the supposed authority figures wants in order to attain the prize. Sticker charts, point systems, stickers or stars on worksheets? All bribery. You can read a ton more about it in Alfie Khn's book, Punished by Rewards.

Coercion- the use of threats or actual punishments only leads to conformity through fear. Fear completely inhibits the ability to learn, and even rote memorization, on a biological level.

Do your kids love to learn and need you to provide structure, routine, and accountability? Consent-based education.

Do your children, like all of my household, rebel against any and all outside expectations? Self-directed education.

Do your kids ask you how to learn skills they want to learn because they aren't afraid to be called stupid for needing help AND aren't jaded to learning because you have grown very good at not trying every passing curiosity into a lesson you think they need to learn? Unschooling extraordinaire, please come teach my readers!

If you need to chat with someone to untangle any confusion you may be harboring about homeschooling, unschooling, or parenting, check out my 1;1 support offering here: Uncharted Conversations.