Many folks new to homeschooling get these two terms confused, or even believe they are interchangeable.

They are definitely NOT the same.

Today, I'd like to clear up this murky tangle.

Differences of Definition

I understand. The prefixes de- and un- have the same basic meaning, so on the face of it, both words mean "the opposite of schooling."

(This fact gives us a scary reputation, as most folks trained in the system see this definition as synonymous with "against education and learning," which is also certainly not true. What deschoolers and unschoolers are against is COMPULSORY, COERCED EDUCATION, aka, school.)

De- has a second meaning that will help us define deschooling as separate from unschooling. De- also means "removing something," in this case school.

So, as deep as word pieces go, unschooling means "the opposite of schooling," and deschooling means "removing schooling."

Lemme guess... still just about as clear as mud, right? How can you remove schooling?

Digging Deeper into Deschooling

Deschooling actually refers to removing the social conditioning and healing the trauma received in school. Commonly, deschooling is considered to be a process a person or family goes through in the space between compulsory school and homeschooling, or between recreating school at home and unschooling. This process is best entered on purpose and engaged with intention, and can be quite intense, depending on the length of time one spent in school or the amount of trauma one received there, and so takes a different amount of time for each person to go through. Some of us will never be finished, but it is also not a process that needs to be finished before moving on, just engaged with deeply and kept in the front of the mind.

Skipping deschooling altogether, either because you don't know about it or because one is in a hurry to get back to normal, is the misstep that I have noticed causes many homeschoolers to give up on their dreams of home education and send the kids back to school. In fact, wanting to get back to normal, whatever that may be, is a sign that the system still has a hold of you by your fear, as the normal you believe in is likely the definition of normal they gave you. Unless what you believe to be normal is the life of your dreams, interrupted by school, then you still have plenty of deschooling to do.

During deschooling, one is meant to at least begin to heal any school trauma and release any associated coping mechanisms, increase awareness of the of the social conditioning insidiously inherent in a coercive system of age segregated incarceration and memorization so as to be able to choose what one wants to keep and what to discard, and in general reorient to life and learning outside of an institution's needs, expectations, and power dynamics.

Just so you know, a person or family CAN in fact, deschool their personal lives and relationships with people and learning and still use school. It can take a lot of will power and community, especially for our young and impressionable, but it can be done. Respectful parenting and other consensual respectful relationships go a long way here. 

What is Unschooling?

Technically, unschooling is just one homeschooling philosophy among many. It is a way of allowing people to become educated by following the path on which all humans learn, facilitating and not obstructing natural curiosity. 

(Unless of course you truly believe no one learns anything before entering school, only at school, and never again. Is that what you believe? I didn't think so.)

Here is the Wikipedia definition, which I like, which probably means the warning at the top of the article is correct and may be biased toward unschooling... sorry not sorry....  :

"Unschooling is an informal learning method that prioritizes learner-chosen activities as a primary means for learning. Unschoolers learn through their natural life experiences including play, household responsibilities, personal interests and curiosity, internships and work experience, travel, books, elective classes, family, mentors, and social interaction. Often considered a lesson- and curriculum-free implementation of homeschooling, unschooling encourages exploration of activities initiated by the children themselves, under the belief that the more personal learning is, the more meaningful, well-understood, and therefore useful it is to the child. While unschooled students may occasionally take courses, unschooling questions the usefulness of standard curricula, fixed times at which learning should take place, conventional grading methods and standardized tests, forced contact with children in their own age group, the compulsion to do homework regardless of whether it helps the learner in their individual situation, the effectiveness of listening to and obeying the orders of one authority figure for several hours each day, and other features of traditional schooling."

A family can unschool only for education and keep their usual parenting in some situations, or unschooling can be combined with deep respectful parenting to become radical unschooling. 

My family has settled into radical unschooling, in case you couldn't tell... double radical even, as we do not hold to the dogma surrounding unschooling. Some families believe having any expectations of children, using any curricula, or having any household rules, limits, or boundaries is not official unschooling. We are not those families. We use curricula, but only at the request and/or with the consent of our children, in alignment with facilitating their learning by following their curiosity, and only continue as long as they want to sate that curiosity, we do not feel bound to finish it. If it is an interest of ours, we learn, and model a love of learning, by following our own interests, and our children are welcome to join us, or not, as their own interests dictate. We require participation in household duties and maintenence, aka chores. We have house rules, and screen time limits, and internet restrictions, although, in our case, most of these we arrived at through time and testing followed by much discussion and household consensus, as our children are of a maturity level to participate. When the children were younger, we made our decisions with as much input as the children could offer according to their developmental ability, using our best judgement, and helping to coregulate their emotions as needed. We aim to move closer and closer to egalitarian democracy in our household as our children move toward adulthood, so they can be prepared to have respectful non-hierarchical relationships with anyone they ever choose to live (and hopefully work) with.

Relatively Related

As I’m sure you can imagine, moving away from the mainstream compulsory school system into any kind of alternative education, or simply real life after school, will require some level of deschooling. Even highly authoritative parents with high expectations for academic or athletic performance will no longer be able to rely on the administration, resources, or direction of the system to get them to their desired destination once they begin homeschooling. 

Self educating teens (aka drop-outs) and newly graduated students alike will have some level of deschooling to do as they move into self-directed education and real life. 

For unschoolers, who facilitate education based on individual development, conducive circumstances, consent, autonomy, independence, curiosity, interests, flexibility, meaning, and purpose using tools like modeling, strewing, exposure to ideas, deep discussions, and living real lives out in the actual real world while avoiding behavioral modification techniques like bribery/rewards, coercion/compulsion/threats, punishments, shame, praise, and other emotional manipulation, deschooling is often a lifelong pursuit for parents who went to school. 

Even unschooling children of grown unschoolers live in a school- and work- fixated society, and can pick up ideas from the media and people about education that they will need to examine for truth. 

Which one do you need?

In my not so humble opinion, everyone needs deschooling. I believe compulsory schooling is inherently abusive, as it is based in principles of mass management and not human relationships. Civilization would be much improved by truly respectful relationships among all its members, and teen passions and motivation unleashed. Even if one believes there is a set of knowledge that everyone should be at least exposed to, which I do not, schools fail to deliver on their promise to provide it. Don't get me wrong, there are some really great schools, AND we should be free to choose to use them or not. Imagine if schools were like libraries, free and available to all, with no gate keeping or power hierarchies involved in learning, only well educated mentors offering their wisdom, experience, knowledge, and facilitation...

If we could all become deschooled enough to allow the system to perish and be forgotten, unschooling would be the way we learned all our lives, like small children and adults do. How we allow ourselves to be lead to believe humans between the ages of 4 and 18 (or older, depending on whether you also believe college to be necessary) must memorize pre-determined curricula, under coercion from strangers, in age segregated incarceration is beyond me. I digress.

Unschooling however, in our current state of civilization, is not for everyone, every family, every child, or every parent. It is probably best for the vast majority at least, but forcing anyone to adhere to any paradigm is what we are trying to avoid here. Not everyone has the social privilege to safely rebel against the system, or the financial privilege to keep their children and usually one adult home and pursue educational opportunities. Unschooling can be a harrowing journey through rough terrain, at least at the beginning where everyone is unlearning institutional living and relearning family living, or it can feel like coming home to love and calm and safety after an arduous journey in an unchosen wasteland. 

Because of this, my work centers mostly on the deschooling process, as I truly believe everyone can benefit from learning how tho think critically about their social conditioning, especially the non-consensual kind, whether they choose to use schools as a tool of learning or leave the system entirely. 

So what does an individual and/or family actually DO during deschooling? As soon as I can get it recorded, I will be offering a free webinar covering this very topic in detail, and will also have a Q & A. In the near future, I will begin offering courses and coaching for families and individuals embarking on alternative education journeys, mostly revolving around learning how to live without the school system dictating every choice you make about every part of your life. Living autonomously is a learned skill, especially if one was raised in a system that "only" requires obedience. Since I don't quite have an email service set up yet, for now, you can scroll down to the socials links in the footer, and follow me on Facebook or Instagram to watch for announcements. 

Thanks for reading!