How are all of my new homeschoolers and unschoolers doing?!?

It's spooky season / fall / October, and I know this is often the time of year that the "shine" begins to wear off all of our new plans, resources, curricula, lifestyles.... Especially the stuff you started in August/September... It's been 4-10 weeks, and things aren't so new anymore. 

That new relationship energy, that pleasure and excitement in the novelty of new resources and ideas, new curricula, new co-ops and classes- or even old ones that we have been away from for summer holiday! This is the time of year that deliciousness can start to fade. 

Of course, it's fall... Who ever decided we should begin a new educational anything when the natural world is slowing down and releasing the old and preparing for hibernation was an energetics fool.

If this is you, maybe these tips for new homeschoolers and unschoolers will help.

If not, congratulations on making some VERY aligned choices, I am so So SO happy for you! 

And also, bookmark this post, because you might just need it  a little later than the rest of us.

5 Tips for New Unschoolers and Homeschoolers

1. If you made a plan, a schedule, a routine, or even a rhythm and either you or your kids are OVER it, step back, breathe deep, get really curious, and reevaluate.

• What exactly isn't working? Is the level too difficult? Is the font too hard to read? Is the chair scratchy? Are the pencils slippery? Is the light too bright or dim? Is the time of day less than conducive to either the activity level or the circadian rhythms of the fold involved? Are there too many distractions?
• Who isn't it working for? Parent? Child(ren)? Others? Everyone?
• What can you control or change to improve the situation? If it is in the home and chosen by you then you have a lot more in your control than if it is a class, co-op, sport, or gathering offered by others.
• Are there confounding variables? Illness, hunger, tiredness, burnout, neurospicy-ness, time constraints, others?
• Is it worth changing? Do you need to just grit through it or can you simply let it go- either for a while or for always? Take a break. Wait for the interest to come around again, they often do- people get what they need for now from an activity, take a break, and come back for more once what they learned has settled. There are also things we just feel like we need to get through, and these are different for every family. Some folk' are attached to finishing a season of a sport they signed up for because the team cannot play without the right number of players, or there was a lot of resources spent to make it happen. Some folks are attached to just slogging through certain subjects because they feel they are essential learning at this time. Some folks are attached to certain lifestyles, even though a member of their family can barely function in that environment. 

2. Remember your deschooling, and continue as needed.

• Have you forgotten that you can take breaks as needed for everyone's individual sanity, and not on some impersonal prescribed schedule?
• There is no ahead or behind or correct path to a correct destination.
• Learning happens with 20 repetitions in play versus about 400 repetitions in drill.
• Education (and life!) is not a race, or any other kind of competition.
• Consent in education matters, as in all things.
• Comparison is the thief of joy- every person is unique and comparing them is no different than comparing great danes to chihuahuas.
• Interest led learning sticks in the mind web of education, forced memorization fades almost instantly.
• You can reach out to others and collaborate as needed.
• Failure is not to be feared, and mistakes are not inherently shameful.
• Remember, this moment matters more than some future moment (such as graduations and colleges and jobs and marriages)  because it's actually all you have and your full presence is appreciated.
• Academics are not more important than other learning.
• Children don't actually need to sit at desks or spend untold hours with their age mates in any setting.
• Grades and tests don't actually measure learning.
• Bribes and coercion don't work for real.
• Hard work is sometimes worthwhile for its own sake, and not just for the sake of whatever production value / end product you intend to get out of it.
• Learning doesn't have an age limit.
• Adults don't always know what's best for children.
• Learning happens everywhere, all the time, if we have eyes to see it.

I could go on, but I won't. That's what I'm making my Deschooling webinar for, i'll let you know when I release it.

Home education is meant to be an extension of your parenting into education, not a re-creation of school in your home. More like an invasion...

3. Start or continue a shadow work practice.

In psychology your shadow is your collection of repressed desires , repressed because somewhere during your (usually early) social conditioning someone told you they were shameful- for example when you want to have loads of money but someone told you wanting money was practically sinful. There can also be desires that are caused by said social conditioning - for example when you desperately want tons of money because someone told you it was shameful to be poor / middle class. There are also deep inner vows in your shadow- for example if you were so poor and hated it so much or had to do things you find vile to survive so you vowed never to be in those circumstances again.

A shadow work practice is merely getting very curious about the actual roots of your behaviors and beliefs. 

The gentlest way to begin is to just start asking why you react to certain things certain ways, especially if you have a pattern of reacting that way and you don't really understand why you find that particular experience so triggering. Once you have gotten into the habit, you can begin questioning ALL of your deeply held beliefs and conditioning, and ALL of your behaviors. 

Do you feel triggered when your kids refuse to complete one. little. worksheet? Why?

Are you afraid they'll get behind, fail, or that they are unable to obey? Why?

What does behind or refusal mean to you, how does it make you feel? Why?

Why, why, why? All the time deeper and deeper, why?

You'll end up sounding like a toddler, like why is the only work you know of care about. Hopefully a curious toddler and not a frustrated one.

You will likely be amazed at what you can learn about yourself, and everyone else if they are unafraid to answer your questions. Be forewarned however, people hold their shadows close, and often react like a wounded lioness with cubs when you poke them. 

Shadow work is my superpower. I LOVE it. And I'm not afraid to poke your inner wounded lion. That's a lot of what I do as a deschooling mentor. If you're feeling stuck on your deschooling journey, and are not afraid to be poked at, I do offer asynchronous Voxer days where we can chat and I can help you dig up your conditioning so you can see it and decide what to do with it. 

4. Talk to your family (and whoever else is in your tribe) ALL THE TIME about EVERYTHING. Never stop.

• What is going well and what isn't?
• What would they like to change or keep the same?
• Do they have any idea for how this could be better?
• What would they not do if you gave them the choice?
• What would they like to learn about?
• What foods do they like?
• When would they like to go to bed and get up, again, if you allowed them the choice?
• ALL. THE. THINGS. Especially the things that are leaving you stumped. You never know what someone else is seeing that you are not. If nothing else, it will make you laugh and you'll relax.

5. BE KIND!

No matter what. 

Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it kind? Your family deserves it. And so do you. Apologize when you get it wrong. Celebrate when you get it right. Or make progress- even, and maybe especially the small things. 

Bonus tip: Remember that you are always learning. Always homeschooling even if you are using school. Always unschooling even if you are using curricula.

Everyone always is, and the learning that takes place in the home, off the record, and in our hearts is the most important work of all. Model taking pleasure in learning and being curious, and your children will be learning always, and liking it.

That's all for now. If you need more from me, browse the rest of my Freesource Library and check out my Marketplace. Lots of great things here.

Love Always.